time, thoughts, and an announcement

I feel like we’re living out a dystopian fantasy.

Watching the spread of this pandemic (I can’t believe I’m saying that word) play out has been terrifying, confusing, and heartbreaking, to say the least. People are dying, everything is shutting down, and people are rightfully scared about their livelihood and quality of life moving forward. Anxiety and stress has manifested into selfishness, panic, and bickering about conspiracy theories. It’s a scary time to be alive, as the majority of us have never lived through something like this.

I don’t think any industry had seriously considered the very realistic threat of how a pandemic would affect their business.

While we all self-quarantine and collectively hold our breath waiting for an end that seems nowhere in sight, I think about all the couples who were planning to get married in the coming months. Wedding planning is hard enough let alone planning a wedding during a pandemic.

I certainly didn’t experience this when I got married and believe me, I thought I had seen every bad unplanned event happen in my career. But looking back on it, I’d honestly prefer every wedding I shot to have a smoke alarm go off mid-ceremony over this (which did happen once! Be careful setting fires indoors).

I pride myself on thinking on my feet no matter what disaster appears. But I’d be lying if I said I had thought about the implications of a global pandemic and what that would mean for my business, or how the event industry would being affected.

I have taken some drastic measures to my business model to accommodate my current and inquiring clients for the remainder of 2020:

As my current clients begin to postpone wedding plans because of all this, I’m delaying ALL payments until further notice. I do not want to be the reason for added stress during this time. If you want to pay your invoice you still have that option but no late fees will be incurred and no payments will be required until we see a light at the end of this tunnel. If you are deciding whether or not to postpone plans, rest assured that I have many open dates still available and any transfers will not incur a fee.

As for new inquiries, I’m currently suspending deposits for anyone hoping to secure me for their wedding or event in 2020. This means we will have a contract in place but you do NOT need to pay a deposit to book with me until further notice.

Past clients and everyone else who is reading this:

ALL prints in your gallery or on my print shop are currently 20% off. Brighten up your home with some art. Use code TOGETHER at checkout. Valid through May 1, 2020.

All this time has given me a little perspective on what we can do now survive this mentally, physically and emotionally:

Focus on the positives. There is so much negative stories, thoughts, opinions and news circulating that it is critical to our mental health to look for the light in this situation.

Try something new. Now is the time to learn that hobby or make a new recipe or write that novel or start meditating. Now. Time is a gift, use it.

Socially distance yourself not only from people but also from the news. I know this one is difficult, but the less I’m glued to my phone for updates the more present I am and less worried I am for the future.

Count your blessings and remind yourself what you have to be grateful for, whether it’s a roof over your head, the people you’re trapped with, the invention of video conferencing “happy hour,” or simply having a day of nice weather where you can spend it having a picnic or taking a hike.

Show love to each other. Be considerate, stay home if you are able, think of your actions and the affect they have on others. We can get through this if we aren’t selfish.

And last but not least:

Think of how great the party will be when this is all over.

I’ll be posting some lighthearted content and adding more print options to my shop over the coming days to help distract everyone.

Thanks for reading and stay safe. Love to you all.

The concept of failing upwards

Excuse me, but my imposter syndrome is about to show.

There are a lot of days I feel like a failure.

I get like this every year. It’s like the plummeting part of the roller coaster. For me, when each wedding season ends, there is a lull between the holidays and Valentine’s Day when no one seems to want to leave the house or spend money. It’s around this time every year that I feel like I’m failing.

I’ve started thinking about what it means to follow your dreams. Owning a business is like riding a roller coaster: some days you’re on your way up the highest point of the roller coaster, and other days you’re plummeting down to the earth, bracing yourself for a crash landing.

What I’m trying to say is, owning your own business or following your dreams (whatever that means to you) is not for the faint of heart.

I think about something director Kevin Smith said several years ago,

“In Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards.”

When I first even considered becoming a photographer professionally, I thought about this a lot. And it has sort of become my mantra every year since.

Of course, you don’t have to work in Hollywood to understand what he’s talking about. For Kevin, he’s pointing out that it’s common in the entertainment industry to leave one gig and suddenly have a better role at the next, even if you did not succeed at the last job nor are qualified for the job you just acquired.

The reason for the momentum forward despite the failure? Showing up.

Everyone feels like a failure at some point. What’s important is what you do with that feeling.

Failing is not the thing that will stop you from achieving a goal; it’s giving up after failing. Failing is the universe is telling you to reinvent yourself and try a new approach.

And to go back to what Kevin said, achieving goals is nothing more than a series of mistakes and failures, which is what makes working towards a goal so scary.

Whoever said, “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life,” was wrong. If you do something you love for work, prepare to work all the time, even on your days off. Sometimes you’ll work so hard that the thing you love so much sometimes becomes a burden. Sometimes you’ll burn out. Sometimes you’ll make bad decisions. Sometimes you’ll agree to something that sounds like a great step forward and instead takes you two steps back.

But remember, you’re failing upwards, and each time you don’t succeed is a chance to learn and grow.

Another favorite quote of mine is from Gilbert Gottfried (someone who went through a very public blunder in his career) in the documentary Gilbert,

“I don’t know if I ever had a clear vision of what success was going to be, and whatever it is it’s always different. The way things turn out are always different from what you imagine them.”

No matter how successful you become, you are not immune to failure. Maybe that sounds depressing, but I find it totally invigorating.

Social media only gives you a tiny window into people’s day-to-day life.

Take anyone you follow — whether it’s me or Oprah— they share their lives and careers online but are really only revealing a small snippet of what they are going through on a day to day basis. You cannot possibly judge someone’s entire success on only what they present publicly.

Listen, we need to talk about this. Social media makes other people’s lives and careers seem PERFECT. But social media is not real life. Social media is a highlight reel. I have a list of credentials and accomplishments here on my website, but I don’t exactly share all the photo contests I’ve lost or editors who have turned me down. Who wants to be the debbie downer who shares failures? But maybe there’s merit to sharing something we’re ashamed or embarrassed to admit.

Social media can be used for good but it also can very quickly spiral into something that is unattainable. There was a point in time when I looked back on my own posts trying to remember what was really happening in the moment I was posting something. I sometimes find myself seeing memories show up and being jealous of myself. Now if that’s not the most narcissistic sentence I’ve ever written, I don’t know what would top that. But it’s true: you cannot compare your day to day life with how someone portrays theirs online.

So after a lot of thought and self doubt and inner struggle during my slow season, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way to succeed is to fail. And then fail again and again. Sometimes they will be small little failures and other times seemingly catastrophic failures. But these are the times when you need to lean into failure and reinvent yourself.

Maybe eventually we won’t be so afraid of failing, because that will mean the next great thing is just over the hump.

How I learned to embrace the word "no"

I did something recently that I’ve never done before: I pitched myself to a company that I’ve admired in hopes of collaborating on a sponsored blog post.

Now, I’m not a huge blogger by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t have hundreds of thousands of followers and in the grand scheme of things, I probably have more to gain than this company would by taking a chance on working with me. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my professional years, starting all the way back with getting my internships, is this:

you never get anything you don’t ask for.

Now, I could easily have told myself, “This company will never work with you, Casey. You’re not famous. So, get over yourself.”

But mama don’t play like that.

You see, I’d much rather know for sure and hear the word “no” directly from the other person/company than assume the answer is no. Even if a “yes” seems like a long shot.

I was recently interviewed on a podcast and was asked if I thought I was brave. I said I was scared all the time.

But being scared means you are doing something right. Being scared is your fire. Fear should drive you to be better. If you were confident in yourself 100% of the time, what would drive you to pay attention to detail? How would you be challenged?

If the word “no” stopped me, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing today. As someone who works in an over saturated industry, I know rejection well. I get turned down more often than an air conditioner in July. You can’t get anywhere if you are afraid of the word, “no.” And trust me, whenever I hear the word, “yes,” I’m shocked. I have imposter syndrome, after all.

I get a lot of my shear will to work from my mother. Even now that’s she’s semi-retired, she still works part time and freelances on occasion. She worked her ass off in a time when most of my friends' moms stayed at home. When I was growing up, sometimes not having her around really bummed me out. I'd go over a friend's house after school and their mom would be snack-ready, while my mom tended to work later and travel a lot, sometimes for weeks at a time. The woman missed the blizzard of ‘95, when I was 9 and tried to shovel the driveway with my dad, only to get stuck once I descended the stairs to the driveway because the snow was so deep.

However, growing up with her working so hard taught me to be independent (I became an expert at making my own after-school snacks) and as I grew older I realized she really didn't necessarily want to be away from home so much. It's hard to understand that as a kid, but I get it now. 

Anyway, the point of me talking about momma is she’s a big reason I don’t fear the word "no." When I was scared to go after a goal, she always said, “the worst thing they can say is no.”

And a “no” certainly wouldn’t kill me.

When I graduated college and started getting rejected again and again from job interviews, this was the one thing that resonated with me, and gave me the will to keep going. I only needed one "yes" to get to the next phase. At some point I logically knew I’d hear the word “yes.” And so that meant every “no” brought me closer to getting a “yes.” And usually, hearing a “no” only meant there was another job better fit for me out there.

Look, getting rejected SUCKS. It’s not like I like it any more when it happens to me. I always will end up having a moment of self doubt when rejection rears it’s ugly head and I feel like I’m not good enough and it would be easier to just crawl in a hole and raise the white flag of surrender.

It’s nice, after all, in your comfort zone. There is a warm fire, and there are cookies there. And reruns of New Girl.

But if you stay comfortable, your life and career won’t progress. And that’s fine, cookies are great and make people happy. But if you really want something, you should at least keep trying to go after it.

And even if this company that I reached out to says no, I’ll keep putting myself out there.

Because the word "no" can't kill you. It isn't a death sentence. It certainly might feel that way, it might make you angry, or sad. But it won’t kill you. But you can never get told yes if you don’t at least put yourself out there in the first place.

And you really only need one yes.

6 months of Motherhood, and this is what i've learned

Stone Brodley Maiuri was born on February 28th, 2019 at 4:24pm. He made his way into the world via sun roof (aka C Section) because it was really cold in Michigan in February and I guess he didn’t want to come out during a polar vortex.

I get it.

You see, the first thing I learned about Motherhood was that birth isn’t a f*cking vacation. But boy, did I pack like I was going on one. I had my hospital bag ready and waiting to go at 37 weeks. And it didn’t get used until week 41.5. I packed everything every blogger told me was a “must have” for a go bag. And then some. I even brought my Kindle, embroidery, and UNO like I was going to a quiet retreat in the forest for a few days.

I repeat, whatever anyone tells you, birth is not a vacation.

Without going into too extreme of detail, let’s just say Stone was birthed via C Section after a series of vain attempts at persuading him out of my body otherwise. It started with me trying every “sure thing” to go into labor (like eating pineapple and extremely spicy food, bouncing endlessly on yoga balls, and walking miles each day) and ended with me screaming “JUST CUT HIM THE F OUT OF ME ALREADY” in a poor nurse’s face.

God bless nurses.

Less than an hour later he was laying on my chest in a recovery room and I was officially a Mom. He was tiny. And so cute. Like a skinny little raisin.

I remember as I was getting wheeled to the recovery room after surgery, my fresh baby being pushed behind me by my husband, my mom came out of the waiting area to greet me in the hallway.

“Isn’t he perfect?” I asked her. “I haven’t seen him yet,” she responded, “I wanted to know you were ok first.”

And that, my friends, is pretty much the entirety of what it means to be a mom. All I want to know is that Stone is OK, above everything else that’s happening.

Before I go to bed, I check that he’s ok. When we are taking walks, or I’m wearing him in a sling, or if I’m feeding him, I inspect him to make sure he’s ok. I have notification alerts on my phone from his monitor, so wherever I am while he sleeps, I can check if he’s ok. As I write this, I have another window open of Stone’s monitor so I can see every spastic move he makes in his sleep. Basically, when something is wrong, I want to be the person to help make whatever is wrong OK again.

I guess it was always difficult for me to imagine what I’d feel like as a mom. I always thought moms were like, beyond wise and always had it together and knew what they were doing and were professionals at caring for others. But moms may appear that way but they don’t know. No one knows what the hell they are doing when they have a baby but you learn and you do the things you think are best for your kid and you just hope those decisions make them turn out OK.

So what have I learned?

I’ve learned the library is my favorite place to bring him. We can walk there and get fresh air and borrow stories I read as a kid and stories that are new to both of us. I’ve learned that I love reading to my baby and that children’s books have some really good lessons and messages.

I learned that breastfeeding is not easy and if you can’t do it, some people make you feel bad about it. I learned that some babies just don’t latch easily and pumping is the only way to make your milk come in when you have a C section. I learned that pumping is really time consuming and sometimes painful and sometimes it will make you bleed. I learned after 8 weeks of struggling to get even an ounce of milk out of myself and spending hours attached to a machine, that breastfeeding wasn’t right for my family and I’ve learned that’s ok, because my baby is growing and happy and healthy.

I’ve learned that pretty much everything from my childhood is engrained in the depths of my memory. I hadn’t heard my late grandmother’s lullabies in many years, but I still knew them all by heart. I hadn’t seen Sesame Street in almost 30 years but you can guarantee I knew the entirety of “Rubber Duckie.” As I read Dr. Seuss I had flashes of watching “Fox in Socks and other stories” on VHS.

I learned that Hootie and the Blowfish made a parody of “Hold My Hand” to teach kids how to cross the street and it made me ugly cry the first time I heard it because I can’t handle my emotions when it comes to 90s nostalgia and making sure kids are safe.

I learned that I could love something more than I love my dogs. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my dogs. But sometimes I’m like, why don’t you smile and laugh at my jokes like Stone does, ya know? Or why do you have to bark at literally anything that goes by the house?

I’ve learned that everything is more fun when you witness a baby seeing or doing it for the first time.

I’ve learned that I can run on a lot less sleep than I was used to before Stone was born.

I’ve learned that my business is not my life.

I’ve learned to prioritize my personal time with my family.

I’ve learned to slow down and enjoy every single moment I have because already in 6 months he’s grown so much.

I’ve learned that I wish I could freeze time. I have also learned that I can. Taking photos is the most important way I can hold onto every moment I have with my baby. I’ve learned that despite wanting to separate work and personal time, I find myself taking more photos now than I ever did before February 28th, 2019.

Finally, I’ve learned that being a mom is exactly what I expected. Although, with less… stress. I mean, I get anxious sometimes and I worry about things but stress? No. Having a baby was the best decision I ever made. He makes me so uncontrollably happy. Every day is just pure joy. And I know that one day he won’t laugh at my jokes or let me kiss him a million times a day or greet me with the biggest smile ever. I know he won’t always want to cuddle. I know he’s going to grow up and move out and be his own person one day.

But for now, before that happens, I’ll enjoy these salad days of parenthood. I’ll soak up every moment. I’ll continue to learn how to be the best mom I possibly can be.

And I’ll do my best to make sure he’s OK.

6 Things you didn't know you needed on your wedding day

Hi guys, sorry for the *ahem* long hiatus BUT you know, mom life. Having a baby apparently didn’t give me the copious amounts of time to blog whilst nursing a newborn on a tufted pillow in the middle of a summer meadow like I thought it would.

Anyway………

I recently counted how many weddings I’ve been to as a photographer, and I counted 96 as of last weekend! That’s a lot of witnessing the behind the scenes of a multitude of different types of weddings. So yeah, I see things pop up that every now and then someone remembers and I realize— whoa, that just made the WHOLE day run smoother. Or, in some cases, saves the day.

I’ve compiled a small list of things you may not think about needing, but probably do need, on your wedding day:

1. A Crochet hook

Does your dress have butttons? Or a bustle? A crochet hook can drastically change the amount of time it takes you to get into your dress. Just hook those little loops over the buttons with ease instead of causing arthritis in your maid of honor’s hands.

2. Safety pins/sewing kit

I remember a wedding where a bridesmaid had to be sewn into her dress because the zipper ripped when she was putting it on. She was stitched in, then cut out of it at the end of the night. Things rip. It’s just the risk of an expensive outfit that is made to be worn once.

3. Your invitations

If you spent any sort of time or money on your invitations, bring them for the photographer to photograph as a flat lay before the ceremony. Sometimes these can be the most beautiful photos and they are also nice to share with the person who helped you create them. They also help tell the story of the day when you look back through your gallery.

4. Scrap florals

Your florist has to trim everything to make your flowers perfect. But there is nothing better for your photographer to use to style details than the leftovers from your order. Inevitably, there will be extra leaves, stems that didn’t make the cut, and trimmed buds that weren’t fully in bloom. Petals that fell off. Ask your florist to include some of the trimmings with the delivery to your hotel room when he/she drops off the boutonnieres and bouquets. Your photographer will thank you for it!

5. Shout wipes

I’ve seen miracles happen because of Shout wipes. The most memorable was when a bridesmaid didn’t notice she cut her finger (I forget at this point on what!) and as we were taking photos in the bridal suite, a mere 20 minutes before the bride would set step down the aisle, we noticed bits of blood all over the back of the bride’s dress! Thankfully, someone had brought along Shout wipes and I watched as those little f*ckers took every last bit of BLOOD out of a white dress. I couldn’t believe it. It’s very important that you only use Shout wipes. I have nothing against other stain removers, but these are by far the superior choice. I am not sponsored by Shout, I genuinely just think it’s an amazing product to have on hand.

6. a nice hanger

There is really no better way to put a proper finishing “WOW” on a wedding dress (I mean, aside from you stepping into it) than to hang it on a nice hanger while you get ready. It can really elevate it from that wire hanger and cardboard torso the seamstress packaged it in. Sure, that is perfect for storing it before the wedding day, but on the day of, consider a nice wooden, metal, satin, or personalized hanger. But, as a last-minute resort, many hotels have wooden hangers in their closets which work well in a pinch.